if only

Sometimes i wonder- what if i could take on your pain as my own?
if it's still being felt does it count in the cosmic book?

why does pain come more to those who it more greatly debilitates?
i wouldnt be missing so much life if it was me.

i deserve it more
why?

why cant i take some of it off your back to ease just a little.
why cant there be any words to soothe, or give hope?
why cant you feel what is in my heart.

it is all for you
i wish you could know how i love.
deep inside is my love for you
i wish you could know

if you could feel it
there would be no doubt
no question
no motive
to stop running

no reason
no thought
to find fault

no hate
no fear
no "i cant"s

if i could take it i would.
from the deepest of me
to take more than you have
so you could be even more
if only i could

I Am

This song speaks to me more than I thought it would. This album of Kirk's is called 'Hello Fear' and I don't know about you, but fear causes me to miss out on a lot of God's blessings in my life. This album is about confronting the fear, and this song specifically is about the journey from realizing that I am a sinner but GOD can make me a winner! Through him I have no reason to fear. " I am so far from perfect, I thought life was worthless! Until you showed me who I am, not here by mistake, NO LUCK ONLY GRACE!" Wow, I just encourage everyone to listen to this song and read the words and just really appreciate where you came from even if you "grew up in church" you still had that day when you realized how serious this is and you felt broken and ready to be re-molded by God's hand, not yours. God Bless you all, too many words would need to be said to fully explain how this speaks to me. Let it speak to you now

~
~~
~~~

To the nobodies, to the abandoned

Who couldn't see in the pain was a plan

Looking back now Lord I can say thank you

Now let me tell you who I am

How do you do?

I am a sinner

Born into sin and shaped in iniquity

Now I believe not who I was but still not what I shall be

You found me and gave me your name and

Things I desired have changed but

Inside you'll see it's still broken pieces

Deep in me reaches for you (hello)

How do you do?

I am a beggar (that means I'm)

Desperate for more

I hunger for your truth

See I am shattered

Though I may fall still you make all things new

You speak, the storm, it obeys and gone is the weight of mistakes and

Though I still feel you continue to heal, look close, and see (whoa)

[Chorus:]

I am so far from perfect

I thought life was worthless

Until you showed me who I am

Not here by mistake

No luck, only grace

I'm on my way to

Who I am (not who I was), I am (forgiven and loved)

I am (healed by your blood), I am (yes)

Thank God I am (still being changed)

I am (help me say), I am

How do you do?

I am a winner (it wasn't easy)

I've lost a few and life's knocked me to my knees

But now I am standing (hallelujah)

Not by my power, but your life inside of me (just like you, I've gone through)

Even through seasons and changes (no tear)

No tear has ever been wasted

Misunderstood still it worked for my good

look now and see

I am not the old me but still

(I am not the old me but still)

[Chorus:]

I am (I am) so far from perfect

I thought life was worthless

Until you showed me who I am (don't forget you're)

Not here by mistake (yes)

No luck, only grace

I'm on my way to

Who I am (now called your son), I am (forgiven for what I've done)

I am (forgiven for what I've done), I am (yes)

Thank God I am (sealed by your grace)

I am (still here, help me say), I am

[Bridge:]

Here and I'm closer, praise now is stronger

Stood up to fear, by faith I'm still here

Couldn't walk away, love said not today

Times haven't seen what God has for me

The hurt and the lies, through the pain, through the night

Cried and I cried but still I survived

[Chorus:]

I am so far from perfect

I thought life was worthless (yes God)

Until you showed me who I am (I am)

Not here by mistake

No luck, only grace

I'm on my way to

Who I am (and all of you), I am (I'm in love with you)

I am (here to worship you), I am (Jesus)

Thank God I am (ready to be closer)

I am (ready to go higher), I am

[Chorus:]

I am so far from perfect (so far)

I thought life was worthless (yes)

Until you showed me who I am (but you showed me)

Not here by mistake (thank you)

No luck, only grace (thank you)

I'm on my way to

Who I am (I'm not ashamed), I am (look, I'm not the same)

I am (I'm letting go of the pain), I am (yes Lord)

Thank God I am (more than what you see)

I am (not yet what I shall be), I am

Thank you

You didn't give up on me while I was still in the process

Hallelujah God that you could see what I couldn't see

Thank you

Some People

Everybody lives and everybody dies, but there are those select few who fall into the category of "some." This category has no distinct emotion attached to it, but rather a plethora of emotions. These emotions are generally strong, going in either direction, thus causing the people attached to them memorable. Most people put people into this category who have done them wrong at some point, or who have let them down. We are too easy to let them reign in our minds. Yes, the people who do wrong deserve to be remembered so we can avoid such situations, but I think the people who need to be remembered and recognized even more are those extraordinary "some" who positively change our lives.

Some people try to break up relationships out of jealousy.
Some people hate you for no reason.
Some people betray you when you thought they were close.
And then there are some people who inspire you without trying.
They un-knowingly help mold who you became.
A distant example.
A beautiful mind.
So beautiful you wonder how it is possible to be so.
Some people who are willing to help at any cost - even those who don't care for them the way they are thought to.
Some people take pride in the little things - the behind-the-scenes things.
Some people who deserve to be in the spotlight yet humbly refrain.
Some of these extraordinary people don't get what they deserve.
In fact, it seems that the worst things happen to those who never had any reason to receive such things.
These people are usually the ones taken advantage of in a friendship.
The ones who give to those who should give back but dont.
The ones who deal with the un-fair things and are still genuine.

At first, learning such things makes me angry and spiteful against those who have done the wrong, but after the anger, it only makes me admire "some" people much more. These select beautiful people will never turn sour, no matter what comes their way. "Some" people have shown me that its not about how other people see you, but knowing exactly who you are and being proud.

To "some" people - thank you.
For doing so much more than you can imagine. I may have reason now to be close to you, but before this reason you were inspiring me still. You always amazed me, your beauty, wit, intelligence, vibrancy, intuition, modesty, humility, and unconditional kindness.
For you I pray every day - that no matter the circumstance you will remember how important you are, not just to me, but to many more.
Beyond the fake people who sadly have shown their true colors recently, there are still many close and a far off who you will never know your affect.

I have said these things before - more or less - and am only saying them again because they ring true in my life every day. You know who you are and the things I feel in my heart for you are too much to express outwardly in any fashion. I only hope that you can feel the love radiating from all those who truly care, and know that a piece of that love is yours. It is part of the love you gave us, that some didn't deserve.

Some people have changed my life.
Some people will always be with me, and I with them.
Some people make a difference.

And some people are the difference.

Awake.

Why? Who knows!
but during my shouldnt-be-awake-but-still-am time I decided that I want to start blogging again!
Yay!
I do however have a new attitude towards it....to press issues, not people, and to share my thoughts, even the most random ones. :]

one thing i might say is that the band future of forestry is AWESOME!
and i love them
go check them out
credit to Cherisse DesJardins Lipps
because she definitely deserves it.... (inspired by her " Caleb and Tim-who both heard it from me. Just sayin ;) comment which she says "Ever so humbly" ;] )
how many artists do i now like thanks to that woman?
before I changed that to woman it was women...and I was about to leave it but then realized if Reese reads this (which she will because im going to post it on her wall because apparently this is about her now-which i dont mind) she would be very upset at my grammar.....even though that is the only grammatical error i chose to correct here....

arent ya glad im not a first-grader-ohio-school-goer?
id be getting F's all over this test
hey i rhymed!
wow i really must be tired haha
okay i think i just needed to feel good about my decision about blogging by posting one even though my plan to have apoint completely failed.....
goodnight

make up, jewelry, immodesty, foolery

I am a woman - but I am not only a woman. I am a lady.

I am a human - but I am not only a living vessel. I am the temple of the Living God.

And yes, He is in there right now.

God created us for this purpose alone, to be his temple, and to be a vessel of continual praise.

Hmmm? Think about it...The King of the entire universe....The most beautiful being in the heavens...He lives outside of time, outside of emotion, outside of form.

Now if that same person wanted to create something bound by millions of things He is not...don't you think he would make it beautiful and perfect on its own, needing no embellishments?

I am a woman, therefore, I have specific guidlines in which to portray myself (assuming the standards of holiness of course)

I do not wear jewelry. I do not wear make up. I do not wear immodest clothing. I do not carry myself in a loose way, nor do I act upon loose pretenses.

I do not do these things because I was told to, or it is a rule I must follow.

I do these things because they are foolish, and are outward signs of insecurity.

Women, and girls, ask yourself some questions?

1) Why do I wear make up?

2) Why do I wear jewelry?

3) Why do I dress immodestly?

4) Why do I act like trash!? (yes, I said it)

1) From personal experience and alot of observation, I have concluded that women wear make up because of a couple things:

- you think it makes you look better

- you want to match a certain stereotype, or be different

- you want to accentuate your own features

the common denominator is.....(drum roll please...)

YOU DO NOT THINK YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH WITHOUT IT!

whether it be a conscious thought or not - that's why!

2) The answer to this question is the same as #1. I can say that many a time while at the mall, I do see jewelry and think it would be nice to wear it because it is simply pretty, or interesting, BUT I do not need it.

- Did you know that before Satan was cast down into hell, he was an angel adorned with many jewels, and precious stones? He was an angel meant to reflect the Glory of God, but his pride of being so beautiful got to be too much. God cast him down when Satan no longer wanted to reflect God's glory, but thought he was beautiful enough to be better than God.

- Because of this, jewelry is seen to be a symbol of that pride (atleast how I think of it)

- The swastika never used to be bad, until it was used in relation to Hitler and the slaughtering of Jews.....would you wear a swastika? No, of course not! So why wear something that is a symbol of Lucifer's pride?

3) Oooh Boy! This is going to hit some resistance on this one. Why do girls dress immodestly?

(BTW- I would just like to say that I am not just spewing ignorance and making assumptions about why people do these things. I have had my hard times and gone through allll of these things, and have come through. I have friends that have had the same struggle. So I know. Okay- pressing forward.)

Girls dress immodestly because they want to attract attention. Now, sometimes if you have grown up out of church, the word immodest has a different definition. Even in church, modesty is a very subjective term. I personally wouldn't wear short shorts, or tank tops, but I do understand that people in the world would simply wear those because it is hot, NOT with the mindset of which I am going to explain. That is a different speech!

ANYWAY- many times, girls dress immodestly because they want to attract attention to themselves. Show off their body. Usually (and hopefully atleast) to the opposite sex. What most girls don't realize is that they don't need to do this to attract the RIGHT guys!

- You may be able to have short- term affection with the guy that responds to your immodesty. BUT the man that will love you forever and marry you, will be the one who thinks your beautiful with a burlap sack on, and most of the time, WONT want you to be immodest. I could go on FOREVER with this but thats the basic gist.

4) This answer follows the same guidlines as #3, but there is another aspect present here. Usually the immodest dressing and acting 'trashy' happen synonymously. This is, in my opinion, the saddest answer. Girls do this because they think they are not attractive enough as who they are to get attention and love. A confident woman who KNOWS she is beautiful in her own skin, will NEVER be seen dressing immodestly (according to their personal definition of immodest) and will never lower their standards of action to attract attention.

 I think girls should be confident in themselves, and have the  "If they don't like me for who I am, they aren't the kind of people I want in my life" attitude. I am NOT saying be a man-hater because no one likes that, but be confident enough to know your own standards for men, and friends.

If a boyfriend, or a friend is trying to pressure you into doing something, and keep pushing after you make your decision - they are not good friends.

The kind of people you need in your life are people that respect your beliefs and don't try to push things on you!

Your decision to do something out of free will is MUCH more profound than your decision based on fear, or force.

Bottom line - Women need to be natural and themselves, the way God made you! He did not make a mistake!! You are so beautiful to him, and I guarantee men will think the natural lady-like women are more beautiful than the opposite. (I am not talking about the pigs who just want physical affection because obviously they will not think that- but who needs to listen to them anyway?)

We are a temple for God! Keep that temple pure and holy, and spirit filled. Keep it clean so God has room to abide!

We serve a jealous God! He will not inhabit a cluttered temple!

He is big, and needs alot of room - ALL the room you can possibly offer needs to be available for HIM!!

Think about it ;]

Modest really IS hottest!!!

Holy Ghost Laughter. Why do I laugh?

Last night at youth, nearing the end, everyone was in the spirit, laughing. A young boy (Nathan) kept asking "Why are you laughing?" This really made me think....why am i laughing?

Well, at least for me, I laugh because I always think about how much people doubt God. They may not doubt consciously, but they may not believe fully that God is capable of something, or they think he wont do it. I know I've thought that before. Recently, over the past couple of days, one question has pressed on my brain.

Who are we to doubt God's power, and willingness?

"Where is the wise? where is the scribe? where is the disputer of this world? hath not God made foolish the wisdom of this world?"

- 1 Corinthians 1:20

This scripture is so true! It's like the biblical way of the saying "the more you learn the less you know."

I laugh because we try to figure God out, and predict what he will answer, heal, redeem etc. We make our conclusions based on what sins we have committed, how we live; basically, we judge ourselves the way we THINK God will judge....but like the scripture says, whenever we think we figured it out, God throws us in a whole different direction.

I laugh because we are so easy to doubt, when all we need is child-like faith in our heavenly Father and anything is possible!

Haha! It is such a wonderful feeling, knowing in your spirit that this world is only a stumbling block on our way to eternal joy! 

God created everything!

Now, if you create something.....you know how it works, how to fix it, how to predict it, how it will eventually fade away and die.

Jesus knows all this about everything we know, have known, and ever will know. We are bounded immensely by the limits of this world.

God lives outside of anything human. Our emotions don't affect how he reacts, nor do our earthly circumstances.

He has complete control over every....that's right every situation.

So why should we even have to ask for something to happen.....all we have to do is proclaim that our victory is won even before we are fully in our trial!

We proclaim that we are healed before we are sick!

We pray and conclude with 'Amen'

Amen means it is so!

it. is. so!

so whenever you pray for something, by finishing it with Amen, you are saying to God that you believe that your prayer has already been answered! God just might not tell you the answer yet. But it is answered.

God is so amazing!!! Trying to think of how amazing he is in the limits of this mind is what makes me laugh!!

He is a marvelous wonder! 

he reigns forever!

Hahaha! 

This joy that I have, the world didn't give it...

and the world can't take it away!

sometimes...

things arent as bad as they seem up front.

take a step back and see with unblinded eyes
things may not be ideal, but also may not be as terrible as they once seemed.

im seeing this now.
there is atleast some good in everything
:]

I got a praise and I gotta let it out!

4 People got the holy ghost tonight!
and a couple got a renewing after years of dormancy!!!

AND 2 of the 4 that recieved the holy ghost were baptized in Jesus Name! Hallelujah!

Praise God!
The truth will set us free!

"I've been delivered, I've been delivered
That hold the Devil had on me
He ain't got no more!
I've been delivered, I've been delivered
Delivered by the hand of the Lord!"

:]

The wonders of a golf course.

awesome Korean lady (and by korean I mean, her form of ID was a passport from the republic of Korea!) - "You look very charming"

me- "Aww thank you that's so nice of you to say!"

lady- " Where are you from?"

me - (thinks about the possibility that she could mean what country...or city?) "Uhm, right here...North Tonawanda...it's one town over." (feels like I failed, and am no longer charming)

lady- "oh, okay"

.....

oh did I mention it took me at least 5 full seconds to process what she said before I could answer because of her accent?

tough love - a bliblical principal

"He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes."

Proverbs 13: 24

the loudest defense is silent.

the greatest defense is silence

speak not, but let the actions do the work

things mightier than this world need not it's people to defend with mere words

the wise thing to do is avoid a conflict.

foolish is them that antagonize the doctrine.

for it is sound, and in no need of human defense.

the validity of anything is NEVER proven through how well people defend it.

and to expect that is foolery.

"A faithful witness will not lie: but a false witness will utter lies. A scorner seeketh wisdom, and findeth it not: but knowledge is easy unto him that understandeth. Go from the presence of a foolish man, when thou perceivest not in him the lips of knowledge. The wisdom of the prudent is to understand his way: but the folly of fools is deciet. Fools make a mock at sin: but among the righteous there is favour. The heart knoweth his own bitterness; and a stranger doth not intermeddle with his joy."

 - Proverbs 14: 5-10

"The backslider in heart shall be filled with his own ways: and a good man shall be satisfied from himself. The simple believeth every word: but the prudent man looketh well to his going. A wise man feareth, and departeth from evil: but the fool rageth, and is confident. He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly: and a man of wicked devices id hated. The simple inherit folly: but the prudent are crowned with knowledge. The evil bow before the good; and the wicked at the gates of righteousness."

- Proverbs 14: 14-19

"A true witness delivereth souls: but a deceitful witness speaketh lies."

- Proverbs 14: 25

"He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly."

- Proverbs 14: 29

If cleaning were a drug...

...I'd be addicted!

I am so lucky!

I am so lucky 

I have great friends - which I'd never trade and they deserve so much more than I can give.

I have a great church - a Godly family that loves me enough to tell me when I'm in the wrong.

I have a great pastor - who preaches the word directed by God's inspiration.

I have a great family - that helps me through life, and teaches me to be a better person.

and above all

I have a great savior! - He loves me through my faults and helps me find my true way.

There is nothing I would trade for any of these.

I will never abandon any of them, or let any slip out of my hands because of pride.

I love my friends, my church, my pastor, my family, and my savior, and I will do anything to keep them in my life, even if that means taking the blame or punishing myself. 

The things you cherish most, are the things you'd be willing to sacrifice yourself for.

In our secret place.

When I pray

I know you're here

That familiar silence

The inaudible words

The air around me thickens

You speak with passion

And it fills my very being

With human senses

I am oblivious

But my soul and spirit feel your every touch

Those words which drive my hunger

Yet quench my driest thirst

"I love you"

I feel it

It's almost tangible

The words explode around me

And when I respond in our secret tounge

You swarm my mind

Shut out human sounds and  leave 

only that same silence

That comforting peace

Thank you

Thank you

For all you take away

Because

for everything you do

is in demonstration

of those familiar words

Collectors Edition

I want to collect books!
(and everything book-ish. For example, bookmarks, library things, cool notebooks, book lights, book ends!....anything!)

I realized my love for them when I was at Barnes and Noble about 20 minutes ago and found myself wanting to buy EVERYTHING! I spent $100 there and I would willingly spend more if I could.

Books amaze me! They take me into another world, they keep me company when I am lonely at home, or bored. Everyone collects things...mostly relating to their talents. Well....my talent is brains! And, yes, being the nerd I am. I love to read. Non-stop. Sometimes I read so much I think my eyeballs will fall out!!

From here on out. If anyone ever wants to get me something. Let it be books! 

I'm going to put a list of the books I want, and have read. To keep track. Also so people can know what I like. :] 

I also like the idea of skoob points (Credit to Charity Wahler), that way you'll know what I would suggest to others!!!

I'm excited to start this lifelong endeavor!!

Sorry library....I may read your books, but it wont be long after until I buy it.

Disguising beauty.

My throat is dry,

my voice is small.

Water, water, the basic of life.

Where is this source, to quench the drought?

I see two wells.

One is lavished with jewels and riches.

The other is plain.

From where I stand, the waters of both look appetizing,

my intense thirst depleting my ability to judge.

As I walk closer, the beautiful well's water is tainted

the jewels distorted the light to make it look clean

but the plain well needs no distortion

the light seems to shine from the water

a luminescent liquid.

I take a cup of the shining water

and feel as if one sip has quenched me for eternity.

I see another traveler,

he feverishly gulps

trying to attain the beauty of the well from it's water

the empty promise.

He drinks until he is almost drowning in himself

his thirst is too great

and the water inadequate.

I call him over

and recall my journey

we once shared the same thirst.

He wants now to drink from the shining water

but his belly is too full!

A time to purge has come.

Regardless of the thirst, he drains the moisture from himself

to make room for the everlasting cup.

I see the comparison

of life to death

of outer beauty to inner beauty

Be weary of the beautiful well

for it disguises the tainted waters.

Be joyous of the plain well

because it has filled you forever.

I am a Protector.

INFJ to be exact ;]

My instinct is to mother,

to take charge over the lost.

To comfort the week.

And to protect who I love.

I will protect them, from the harms of this world,

as far as I am permitted.

I will shelter them from evils.

Do not come between me and those I love.

I will not stand to see the day when you and your manipulating ways will tear them apart and infect our unity.

With the blood of Jesus, and his Spirit living in me,

I will cover those around me with an impenetrable shield.

This is my prayer, that the blood may cover all whom I love, to keep them from spirits, and to give them a sensitivity to judge wisely a negative situation.

In the name of Jesus, I plead the Blood!!

Justice is unavoidable.

What you allow to seep into your mind,

Will seep into your heart.

What is in your heart,

will come out of your mouth.

What doesn't come out of your mouth,

will show through your actions.

No matter how long you think your mask will remain,

it will also fade.

You will in the end decieve yourself

by thinking your disguise is adequate.

All will see,

All will know.

Justice will prevail.

Sing unto the Lord a new song!

These excerpts are from songs performed and written by the band Wavorly. These songs (in my opinion) have very powerful messages and when I listen to them I am "pumped up" you could say, but in a spiritual way.

Their use of interesting metaphors catch your attention and have very biblical and strong messages. I would suggest this band to everyone!! :D

______________________________________

Oh, Father, my task I may dread
But as ransom, take me instead
Take heart now, my Son
Fear not for the dragon will not overcome
Your words may have swayed her before
But I died so she could have more
The Life that she now finds in Me
Is the tale of the dragon’s defeat 

-Tale of the dragon's defeat 

Sleeper, no deeper
Lift your eyes
Awake from dreaming
Sleeper, arise and you will find life
The answer is in Me

Sleeper, arise and you will find life
You will find life when you give your life away 

-Sleeper

Endless Day, no further away
Where present day will never end
I will run with no pain in my side
All shadows left behind
For what it’s worth
In a space so different
The gray of home could never compare
Undeserving rescue
Offers me escape from despair
Where light comes from another source
And choice spans such a Great Divorce
Is the balance shifting?
Are my burdens lifting?
Spirit coming to Life
Watching, Waiting
Further up, and further in 

-Endless Day

As I travel down this road
I wonder if I should turn home
All this time I’ve felt alone
My head in my hands
Where were You when I was in need?
And I look back to find You chasing me
Sometimes I try and I miss the point of it
It’s about time we die…we’re not down here for us
As You’re tearing down this house
There is only one thing I can say
I’m so glad You take away
And I’ll admit things worked out for the good
And it’s about time I understood 

-Time I understood

Whachu talkin 'bout Willis??

On Monday April 5th 2010, the McGuire family added one more to the mix.

An 8 lbs 8month old baby boy named willis!

He is my new puppy!

He is a schnoodle (scnauser poodle mix!)

hes ADORABLE!

except taking care of a puppy is basically the same as taking care of a child.

its going to be an interesting ride....but im SO looking forward to it! 

:D