Friends are not something that you deserve, or just get out of nowhere.
You have to earn friendships.
Sure you can be friendly with acquaintances, but that is a shallow politeness.
Real friends are people you connect with on a deep level and have a mutual understanding with.
-MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING!-
What that doesn't mean is:
-complaining about something your "friend" did, yet when you do the exact same thing, and when your "friends" point it out, you get upset and say they are unreasonable.
- making your "friends" feel like your problems are somehow their fault and expect them to do something about it.
- expecting something out of your "friends" that you wouldn't do yourself.
Friends are not something that starts at full trust and degrades when they "do something wrong"
-No-
Friends start a a base level and work their way up.
Usually that entails being nice to them.
There is a point of trust and connection that yes, maybe you can vent, and complain, but that is not what friendship is for.
Yes, when your down, your friends should be there.
BUT
if you are taking your frustrations out on them, and becoming less of a friend and more like a therapy patient, that connection becomes one way.
You can't take advantage of someone who is close to you, by dumping all your crap on them and expecting them to do something about it, when you and they know they cant. When something is a personal problem that only you can fix, when you vent to your friends, all your doing is venting for the sake of hearing your own voice.
A real friend is someone who tries to genuinely help you by telling you what you need to hear rather than what you want to hear. That means, your a nice about it, and genuine. That doesn't mean:
-give them a guilt trip
-make them feel bad about themselves
or
- put yourself on a pedestal and have the "mightier than thou" attitude.
because if you do that, your not giving them advice, you are unjustly judging them.
A real friend is someone who allows their friends to help them, and trusts them enough to take their advice and maybe change some things.
-Not get mad and react by thinking that person is trying to say your wrong and is attacking your life.
A real friend is an addition to your life. A privilege. Not a deserved necessity.
Your friends are there for you no matter what, but it is not one way.
You need to show the same respect and tolerance to your friends as they do to you.
You should never ever expect something out of your friends that you do not yourself do.
When your "frienship" gets to a point where one person is essentially hurting someone elses life and other relationships, that "friendship" is no longer a "friendship".
People need to stop being delusional about their lives, and man up to their own problems.
There is a difference between being there for a friend who's having a hard time, and complaining so much that the other person feels completely helpless in the situation and is afraid to even say anything because nothing is good enough. That is unacceptable.
So whenever you are feeling like your friends are betraying you, or may not be the best you expect.
Look at yourself and think....."Maybe there not being crazy...maybe, just maybe I am doing something to make them react like this."
Because if we were ever your friends at any point, that means your not completely crazy and untrustworthy.
We are not all bad people who don't understand, just sometimes we need to change some things in ourselves for a friendship to work.
Friendship is a two way street.
You can't expect your friends to change to fit you.
You need to change with your friends, and work things out civilly.
You will never change people, and if your true friends see a problem arising, they will tell you nicely, and if that person chooses not to change themselves to save a near and dear friendship.
Then are they really as good a friend as you thought?
- of course, you can't expect them to change something unrealistic about their lives to make you happy, thats not what I'm talking about.-
Being best friends doesn't mean you can take advantage of the fact that they will listen to you.
They are not your therapist. They are your friend.
That means, you try your hardest to keep them happy, and not pour your personal life situations on them, because it is not their burden to bear.
Somethings wrong, when an entire relationship becomes one trying to keep the other happy or the friendship will fail.
